I was in line to check out and I noticed this little redhead girl about 4 years old in line with her parents and grandmother, crying and saying over and over," I want my baby, I want my baby." Her parents were, for the most part, ignoring her, but she kept reaching out her hands to the shelf of bunnies ( just like the one I had in my hand)... Saying over and over, "I want my baby."
I could tell her mom loved her but she told her that no she couldn't get one tonight and I actually wondered while waiting to check out why her mom wouldn't get it for her. Did she think it would be spoiling her? Did they not have the money for a $4 bunny? Was she going to be getting a bunny in her Easter basket next week? She seemed like a sweet little girl...why not ?
She kinda reminded me of me in that I had a love for stuffed animals and a love language of gifts when I was a child. I paid for my things and walked out to the van. When I got to my van and got in, I heard the Lord speak to me as if He was right there beside me telling me to go and give that child the stuffed bunny in my bag.
Ok that was kinda weird...and not normal for me.
But I got out and started across the parking lot feeling a bit like an angel in disguise ready to bless this sweet little girl with a stuffed bunny.
Then it hit me why God was asking me to do this.
By the time I reached them I was sobbing...crying the ugly cry- the honey, call 911 if this crazy lady tries anything funny- kinda cry . I told the little girl's mom that I also had a little girl, but that she was in an orphanage in Ethiopia and even though I really wanted her home for Easter that wasn't to be this year. I told her that right now there was nothing I could do to get my baby home, but I wanted to give her little girl this "baby" to take care of. She hugged the crazy lady ( yes, that would be me) and I walked away.
As I got back in my van , I knew why the little girl reminded me of myself so much and why she touched my heart so deeply. I have been crying out to my heavenly Father for years "I want my baby." Through unexplained secondary infertility, through domestic adoptions that never worked out and now... as two of my five children are half a world away and we are waiting in the madness of a flawed system to bring them home. "I want my baby".
God taught me tonight that just like the parents of that little girl, He loves me, but He has not given me what I cried for. I cried for a biological baby and he said no. I cried for a domestic adoption and He said no. I cried for a baby boy from Ethiopia and He said no.
He has given me an amazing husband. He has given me three beautiful biological children. He has given me two Ethiopian children that I would have never thought to ask for... yet alone cry for. A 10 year old son? A baby daughter? In His plan, through the pain , He has brought to us the two children He has planned for our family.
Now, if He can orchestrate that.. I can trust Him with the timing to bring them home.
And He will.
In His time.
Awesome post, Jackie. Never forget His blessings. After 10 years, we had one child, and she and I both nearly died. She'll be my only one. Sometimes we don't see the big picture, but God does, and He's molding us and growing us all the time. The point at which we feel we cannot handle any more, we must remember that His grace provides what we need to make it through. He's faithful; His mercies are new every morning (Lam 3:22-23) and joy will come (Ps 30:5). Praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful. On a side note: When my son was close to two years old, I was in line at Kohls and a lady in front of us bought him a stuffed animal that was on the stand by the register. He still has it. I think it is more special to me than it is to him. :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely beautiful, Jackie! God is so, so good.
ReplyDeleteOh, Jackie! This is so beautiful and so sweet. You made me cry. I can relate. I cried for years, "I want my baby." And God gave me our middle son and surprised us with our littlest one (also named Micah). I can't wait to hear about his court date.
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