SKYPE TIME

We were able to skype with Micah and Sarah Faith last night! We heard that a family over in ET had an Internet stick that worked at the transition house and that they had been able to skype some of the families with older children. Well , they were going to be at the Transition House in the morning ET time and were hoping to pass court. If they did, this could be our last chance to skype.

We woke up at 3:30 AM and as soon as we logged in the Mowens sent us a message saying, "going to find your kids" My heart about beat out of my chest when our skype starting ringing a few minutes later and there was Micah! His eyes just lit up when he saw us and the first thing he said was , " I love you Mum , I love you Daddy"! We blew lots of kisses and waved. Then they brought Miss Sarah Faith out and Micah was holding her and giving her big hugs and kisses. He was holding her like a pro too! He is going to be such a big help on the embassy trip home.

We were able to see Tara Mowen get some big smiles out of Sarah and Micah's friend Josh translated for us that he misses us and wants to come home soon. Oh break my heart! Micah asked where his brother was and we said sleeping, but by then Abby has woke up and was able to say hello, then Greg woke Nathan and Esther up. Micah lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw Nathan. I have a feeling there is going to be some serious male bonding with Daddy and his boys!

We were able to talk to them for about 15 precious minutes and it was such an amazing gift! They seem "real" again to me! Oh, how I want to jump on a plane today and go get them.

We should hear some news on our case this week. Please pray that the judge will look at our file and that we will have a favorable letter from MOWA. I so want to move pass this waiting stage!

The Easter bunny

Tonight, before I went to the grocery store to stock up for the week, I swung into Kohls to get a hat to wear to our Ladies Spring Luncheon Garden Party at church in May. While I was walking around, I also picked up this adorable little white stuffed bunny that was half off and thought that I would either stick it in Esther's Easter basket or save it for Sarah Faith.

I was in line to check out and I noticed this little redhead girl about 4 years old in line with her parents and grandmother, crying and saying over and over," I want my baby, I want my baby." Her parents were, for the most part, ignoring her, but she kept reaching out her hands to the shelf of bunnies ( just like the one I had in my hand)... Saying over and over, "I want my baby."

I could tell her mom loved her but she told her that no she couldn't get one tonight and I actually wondered while waiting to check out why her mom wouldn't get it for her. Did she think it would be spoiling her? Did they not have the money for a $4 bunny? Was she going to be getting a bunny in her Easter basket next week? She seemed like a sweet little girl...why not ?

She kinda reminded me of me in that I had a love for stuffed animals and a love language of gifts when I was a child. I paid for my things and walked out to the van. When I got to my van and got in, I heard the Lord speak to me as if He was right there beside me telling me to go and give that child the stuffed bunny in my bag.

Ok that was kinda weird...and not normal for me.

But I got out and started across the parking lot feeling a bit like an angel in disguise ready to bless this sweet little girl with a stuffed bunny.

Then it hit me why God was asking me to do this.

By the time I reached them I was sobbing...crying the ugly cry- the honey, call 911 if this crazy lady tries anything funny- kinda cry . I told the little girl's mom that I also had a little girl, but that she was in an orphanage in Ethiopia and even though I really wanted her home for Easter that wasn't to be this year. I told her that right now there was nothing I could do to get my baby home, but I wanted to give her little girl this "baby" to take care of. She hugged the crazy lady ( yes, that would be me) and I walked away.

As I got back in my van , I knew why the little girl reminded me of myself so much and why she touched my heart so deeply. I have been crying out to my heavenly Father for years "I want my baby." Through unexplained secondary infertility, through domestic adoptions that never worked out and now... as two of my five children are half a world away and we are waiting in the madness of a flawed system to bring them home. "I want my baby".

God taught me tonight that just like the parents of that little girl, He loves me, but He has not given me what I cried for. I cried for a biological baby and he said no. I cried for a domestic adoption and He said no. I cried for a baby boy from Ethiopia and He said no.

He has given me an amazing husband. He has given me three beautiful biological children. He has given me two Ethiopian children that I would have never thought to ask for... yet alone cry for. A 10 year old son? A baby daughter? In His plan, through the pain , He has brought to us the two children He has planned for our family.

Now, if He can orchestrate that.. I can trust Him with the timing to bring them home.

And He will.

In His time.

The short version

In case you have fazed out ( and I wouldn't blame you if you did) Here is the short version of "our Saga":

Jan 24 ~ First court date. No MOWA letter. No Birth mom statement for Sarah Faith

Feb 8 ~ Second Court Date. unfavorable MOWA letter. need homestudy authenticated by state and US embassy. Birth mom statement there though.

March 14 ~ Third Court Date. No MOWA Letter no new court date..waiting on MOWA letter

~ One week of waiting on MOWA Letter to be written...(every single day) ~

March 21 ~ MOWA Letter written

Begin waiting on judge to review for 13 work DAYS! Every single day get a "maybe tomorrow" email. (That is two and a half work weeks of waking up EVERY single morning and waiting by the phone to get good or bad news) .AWAA Makes a formal appeal, judge will see case on April 8th.

April 8th ~ Fourth Court Date. Judge doesn't come to work. Will see case April 15th.

April 15th ~ Fifth Court Date. Judge doesn't get to case. AWAA will appeal on Monday, April 18th for a court date for the SIXTH TIME!!!

NOW there is a case that is very similar to ours that when the judge did pick the case up to review it, the MOWA letter was unfavorable AGAIN because MOWA wanted their embassy form authenticated in the US. Which will take at least 10 days to do and get back to Ethiopia.

I am not sure if that will be the same with our case or not...but probably.

Another week

Play by play of my last 24 hours.....

Yesterday at 11:00 am: We received an email stating that the judge was going to FOR SURE review our case today..yipee! :)

Yesterday at 2:00pm: We received an email stating that if the US government shuts down then the embassy in Ethiopia will not be able to process visas and will stand still all adoptions until they are back up and running.... um.. boo hiss, Washington, quit acting like babies and get your act together. :(

Yesterday at 5:00pm: I check the mail and our renewed USCIS I171h form is there.. Yay no backlog for that! :)

This morning at 10:00am : We receive an email that the judge did not look at our file and will not until next Friday. Even after she said she would. Apparently, she took the day off...I know, right. :(

This morning at 10:30: We find out that the other three families waiting, their file is to be reviewed on Monday not Friday like ours. .. Way to turn that knife in my heart. :(

Seriously. That has been my roller coaster for the last 24 hours. And if one more person tells me it is all in God's timing, my head may spin around and I may spew a green substance.

Excuse me if I am cranky.

Blessed and Broken

We are still waiting..... Our MOWA letter is written. It is suppose to be on the judges desk. It is suppose to be reviewed and passed. Every single day for the past 2 weeks!

So here is how my day goes...I wake up around 1 am and pray to around 3am..no alarm, I just wake up, count 7 hours ahead and know the judge is up and working. Then I fall back asleep until around 5am when I wake up again and get up. Do my quiet time and pray. Then I try to go about some normal routine with my phone in my hand and my heart in my throat. The poor girl assigned to communicate with me at AW should call by 9:30 or 10:00. So from about 9:15 until 10:00..I really am a bundle of crazy nerves.

BY 10am..I know. IT hasn't happened. No phone call means no passing court. Then by 10:30, I get the dreaded "not today, but soon very soon, maybe even tomorrow" email. This has happened for 2 weeks and 2 days.

I have run the gambit of emotions in dealing with this particular "bump". Everything. From anger to despair to checking flights in order to meet the judge one morning in her office for a little meeting..My will, my time table, my way has been utterly broken.

But... I am blessed. So blessed. Faithful friends who text, facebook and email me daily. Who listen to me whine and wail. My sweet homeschool five in a row family have set up a schedule again today. 12 moms have stepped up to take different hours and stand in the gap and pray my children home. I am reminded of who loves us, of our support system and I am broken, but oh so blessed

.....but aren't we all?

The good news and the bad news

The Good News:

Well, it looks like our MOWA letter is written ( cue loud applause and dancing!) :o

The Bad News:

The judge was too swamped with other cases to review and write off on ours....seriously?? ( cue lots of eye rolling)

We have been told that they should review/approve us tomorrow. We have been told that before though.

Here is hoping and praying that my next blog post is a big fat "we have passed court" post.

Lessons I am learning...

Disclaimer: If you are looking for a sweet story that will give you warm fuzzies about adoption and one you can show your husband in an attempt to get him on board, then just keep on blog surfing , cause this ain't it!

We have been on this adoption road about 16 months..by the time the kids get home it will have been long enough for 2 pregnancies! I am tired. Very tired, like worn down to the nubbins tired. God has used this process to stretch me so dang much I feel a bit like Stretch Armstrong.

It has been a refining process like I have never experienced. Ever. He has exposed sin in me that I would have told you 2 years ago did not exist in me. A few of the UGLY things I have had to learn about myself through adoption... OR to say it nicely, A few of the lessons adoption is teaching me.

My Joy is in circumstances ~ I cannot tell you how many time the phone has NOT rang and my entire day has been blown to shreds. I am depressed, cranky and testy with anyone who crosses my path..all because of a circumstance that doesn't go my way.... for days on in. Adoption has taught me that my joy needs to be in the Lord and not on what is or is not happening in my day.

My Belief in God ~ When I prayed for God to move an obstacle. I mean really ( fasting, begging, praying on my face all night) praying for something and God doesn't move I had to make a decision. Do I either 1. Think God isn't big enough to move. 2. God doesn't care enough to help or 3. God is big, He does care, but He is working something out I cannot see but it is for my good. Now, the "church answer" is 3..I KNOW that, but do I believe it? Yes. Yes, I do, but not after many early morning soul searching prayer times.

Bitterness is always ready to raise its ugly head ~ There are families that traveled with us in January that are already home with their children, some are in Ethiopia right now. Others are going very soon. Some visited after us and now are going back..And here we sit not even passing court yet. I AM truly happy for these families. Well..about 80% happy. The other 20% doesn't understand. Why us? Why do our kids have to wait longer...why? ( See lesson 2..My belief in God) I have to be aware of this bitter root and not let it grow in me. Praying for these families have helped. I do love them and I am happy for them..and when I am not happy, I see my selfishness/bitterness.

My ways are not His ways~ There always seems to be "that family" within our Yahoo adoption group. The one that is having particularly difficult circumstances that are out of their control or the agency's control. The ones every one is praying for while in the back of their mind think "Man, I am so glad I am not that family!" We became "that family " back in November when our baby boy referral was lost..and it took so long to get another referral, right before we traveled. Now we are "that family" again because we cant pass court. I don't want to be "that family" anymore. I have wrestled with this so much. Why would God do this? We are adopting not just a baby, but a 10 year old too..why make us be the ones to wait and wait and have no control. Someone told me yesterday I don't have to understand the mystery, just need to trust the One who wrote it. His ways are not my ways. His ways are not my ways..repeat about 50 times a day.

It is not about what I NEED ~ I know that we don't need anymore kids. I want more kids, but I also realize all we have and what we could be doing with our time, finances and love instead of just continuing to "better ourselves". I know this is true and as long as I can focus on this bigger picture... that God is at work in me, in my children, in our church, then I am able to see just a glimpse of the bigger picture and just the tiniest bit of the gold being refined in my life.

I want to say that when I am tried I shall come forth as gold. I really want to, but the thing is this refining hurts and takes a long time. I can say that I am so thankful He is in control and not me. If that is the only thing I learn..that He is GOD and I am NOT...then it will be worth it. The cool things is...that is not all I get out of this experience. Not by a long shot. The blessings totally outweigh the grief. Already. And they are not even home yet!