What I know..

This post may a bit premature, but I am figuring after 27 hours of travel, a new baby, bonding, stretching from a 5 family household to a 7 family household. This may very well be the last time in a long while my thoughts are all clear and running in the same direction. :)

Adoption has taught me a lot over the last two years and I feel like there are some things I need to share.

1. You have to be called to do it. There are some people, even friends of mine, that believe all Christians are called to adopt. I disagree. I believe all Christians are to CARE for widows and orphans and that might mean praying for adoptions, giving to families trying to adopt, encouraging these families, but I think you have to feel that it is something God has called you to and on the darkest nights when you wish you had never even heard the word adoption, that is when His calling will get you through the valley.

2. Dont be afraid if your husband doesnt "get it". I have never ever (and I have heard alot) heard of an adoption story where the husband was on board first. I am sure there are some, but the majority is the wife is called first. I am not sure why...maybe the maternal instinct? The more I talked about it, the more Greg dismissed it, BUT the more I prayed about it, the more I saw the Lord use other people's testimony ( in real life, on the radio, in news articles) to speak to Greg and soften his heart. I did show him THIS video when I felt he was close and I am pretty sure that was what pushed him on over to the dark side :)

3 .The only expectation to have is the unexpected is going to happen! Oh my word is this true. We went in wanting a baby boy and to be home by the end of 2010 with him. Our Gotcha Day will be in JUNE 2011 for a 10 year old boy and a baby girl! We have hit every bump in the road! Referral loss, Ethiopia became a two trip country, court hold ups, embassy snafu's..you name it, it has happened. I kinda wish I would have NEVER set any type of timeline in my head and never been so age and gender specific. I think it would have saved me a lot of heart ache and a lot of questions. ( See tip #1)

4. If you feel called DONT let money stand in your way! There are so many resources out there and God has just amazed us with providing just what we needed when it was due. The Levites had to step in the water before the Lord rolled the sea back....sometime ya got step first and trust Him to provide it.

5. Select your agency careful and pray about it. Alot. I didn't do this and God blessed us with an amazing agency and when I think of how little research I really did on them, I shudder at what could have been. I have heard stories and we watched in Ethiopia other agencies handle families and America World is top notch. Not only that, the families that are with AWAA are amazing. There are at least 10 woman, some I have never met, that I could call any time, day or night and they would pray and cry with me over our children. We have stayed up all night praying, we have rejoiced at kids coming home, at referrals, at court success. AWAA is a family and I am so proud and so glad to belong with them.

6. Dont let all the adoption literature scare you. If you get into this paperchase and start reading books and cases..it can scare your socks off! I agree there needs to be some preparation, BUT you also have to A) use common sense. B) trust the Lord for guidance with the children He has given you. If I took every possible symptom of a institutionalized child and compared it to my three home grown, well balanced, much loved children...they would have some of the symptoms! Wanna know why? Because they are kids and kids act like kids..and act out. and explore. and push boundaries. I am by no means saying throw out all the valuable resources, but don't let it terrify you either. There are a lot of worse case scenarios in those books.

7. Be ready to be changed. You wont see people the same any more. Or Race. Or social standings. You wont laugh at racial remarks..in fact they might even offend you. You wont look at materialism the same way. America drama isn't exactly entertaining after you witness extreme poverty first hand. You will cry more, you will pray more, you will sleep less and hopefully think about yourself less. God becomes closer and the world becomes smaller.

I have asked myself now that I have been through one of the more difficult adoptions our agency has seen, would I do it again if I knew how much it would hurt and how much it would consume our lives??

The answer is yes. One hundred times over yes.

The Easter bunny

Tonight, before I went to the grocery store to stock up for the week, I swung into Kohls to get a hat to wear to our Ladies Spring Luncheon Garden Party at church in May. While I was walking around, I also picked up this adorable little white stuffed bunny that was half off and thought that I would either stick it in Esther's Easter basket or save it for Sarah Faith.

I was in line to check out and I noticed this little redhead girl about 4 years old in line with her parents and grandmother, crying and saying over and over," I want my baby, I want my baby." Her parents were, for the most part, ignoring her, but she kept reaching out her hands to the shelf of bunnies ( just like the one I had in my hand)... Saying over and over, "I want my baby."

I could tell her mom loved her but she told her that no she couldn't get one tonight and I actually wondered while waiting to check out why her mom wouldn't get it for her. Did she think it would be spoiling her? Did they not have the money for a $4 bunny? Was she going to be getting a bunny in her Easter basket next week? She seemed like a sweet little girl...why not ?

She kinda reminded me of me in that I had a love for stuffed animals and a love language of gifts when I was a child. I paid for my things and walked out to the van. When I got to my van and got in, I heard the Lord speak to me as if He was right there beside me telling me to go and give that child the stuffed bunny in my bag.

Ok that was kinda weird...and not normal for me.

But I got out and started across the parking lot feeling a bit like an angel in disguise ready to bless this sweet little girl with a stuffed bunny.

Then it hit me why God was asking me to do this.

By the time I reached them I was sobbing...crying the ugly cry- the honey, call 911 if this crazy lady tries anything funny- kinda cry . I told the little girl's mom that I also had a little girl, but that she was in an orphanage in Ethiopia and even though I really wanted her home for Easter that wasn't to be this year. I told her that right now there was nothing I could do to get my baby home, but I wanted to give her little girl this "baby" to take care of. She hugged the crazy lady ( yes, that would be me) and I walked away.

As I got back in my van , I knew why the little girl reminded me of myself so much and why she touched my heart so deeply. I have been crying out to my heavenly Father for years "I want my baby." Through unexplained secondary infertility, through domestic adoptions that never worked out and now... as two of my five children are half a world away and we are waiting in the madness of a flawed system to bring them home. "I want my baby".

God taught me tonight that just like the parents of that little girl, He loves me, but He has not given me what I cried for. I cried for a biological baby and he said no. I cried for a domestic adoption and He said no. I cried for a baby boy from Ethiopia and He said no.

He has given me an amazing husband. He has given me three beautiful biological children. He has given me two Ethiopian children that I would have never thought to ask for... yet alone cry for. A 10 year old son? A baby daughter? In His plan, through the pain , He has brought to us the two children He has planned for our family.

Now, if He can orchestrate that.. I can trust Him with the timing to bring them home.

And He will.

In His time.

My birthday present

My present from Greg yesterday was this awesome necklace from junkposse. I love it soo much.!!

Cool new website

Just wanted to pass along this cool website I found called Blastoff. You can make it your home page and then customize it with the news, games social networks that you like. There is also a "mall" where you can click on all these cute little flair buttons and go to the store of choice. If you go there from Blastoff you get a % off and if you invite friends and they sign up under you, then everything they buy, you get a % of that too in the form of a commission check each month. The best part is, its free! Check it out and watch the video and see what ya think:

BLASTOFF